A Conscious Awakening AKA Mom

Nothing like waking up one morning realizing you have no control over the discussions your offspring make in their lives anymore, is horrifying and relieving all at once.

Being a mother has been a privileged and an honor, I cannot account for any time in my life up to now that I have not wanted to hear them play, watch them grow and prey for their guidance on a true path for Gaia. The next chapter in my story has begun with the sounds of my son's latest vision of him start a new career path within the US Army. As I cannot tell you the importance is it to be a citizen of a country with many changing faces in the past and soon near future, it is important to express the loyalty of a mother to her first born with whom she shares a strong family name. On the other side of my mind, seeing the world as my older eyes have, having known the wisdom of politics over many years of presidents, I cannot only hope his path is honorable and his mind is ready to embrace a soldiers life.

As a priestess of the old pagan Earth Guardian  faith, we are taught to find our purpose embrace it and once our path is saturated with the truth of our purpose we will, in a sense, be closer to completion. My son, the light in my life, was taught many things throughout his young life for example no matter how many times you are knocked down laugh. To admit defeat is not in our path but to find a way is morally except-able in all matters. We all have a purpose, a soul mate, and must understand that love is a word form of comfort for our human counter parts. Cherish each experience, Adore everything, and worship our path on Gaia for as long as possible. The last an final teachings is; Life is recycled if taken by our own hand; to make each life worthy of fulfillment for it is precious to all; endurance is needed to fulfill this path. We have to endure a lot at the hands of others and sometimes ourselves but you cherish what was learned and move on, never admitting defeat. Live long, live free, live strong:)

May my sunshine be bright, may my Oceans be strong, may my stars glow throughout the night and the moon shine over them each and every night:)


For-Ever With You I shall always be... FEWY

Becoming Just Mom

Becoming a mother of three very strong minded children was and is a true blessing. Throughout the years as I have watched them grow,  they have become the best of me.
Having a daughter to devote my experiences to was a life goal that came not much after her brother in 2000, them being only a year apart my mind had hoped they would become best friends. Little did I realize my second son, I lovingly call my Ocean, wouldn't want anything to do with his new born sister. However, her older brother, I lovingly named my Sunshine, adored her. The two of them are really close and look identical with their brown hair and deep dark honey eyes. With my sunshine away, my daughter has become the Diva Child, dramatic in every way possible for a teenager to be now a days. This chapter of my life started last summer when she wished to move to her dad's and his girlfriends home only 10 minutes from our front door. This only lasted the summer months as the school came full term; back home she was every night and weekends out with friends.

To date, she is trying out for the modeling talent in the neighboring city. Being excited for her looking at different options after high school only to be told  I can not come with her shopping for new out fits and she wants to go with friends instead because I am too bossy which I think she meant to say I am too pushy. It felt like a stab but no different then my oldest son going off making a career choice, I put my feelings aside. What is the point in raising them if we under mind or manage their whole life before they even get to fly. Later that evening I found myself barely able to sleep realizing I am no longer needed or maybe not so much needed. That Finally I can start looking at my future, start planning my vacations, outings, or just the rest of my life. After all I have place my life on hold to raise three amazing child none that I will ever regret the time lost for they have become my world. Knowing that, I now realize that I am having to let go or more so loosen my grip and allow them to show me what wonderful people I have had the pleasure to raise.

It hurts, this awakening as they all will send my mind spinning with new alertness of my own life. May theirs be as fulfilling and rewarding as my own was and is going to be as I finish polishing up my last half of my life with my new husband.

May their ears be tuned to their spirit guides and their feet be bound to their path.

Fewy,
G 

A Creator Called Mom

To decide to create a life is an important part of humanity. We choose to form relationships that support one another's needs and dreams. While doing so, our minds connect with our chosen partners in ways that stump science and parents alike. Even the rebellious love stories have a time stamp connection.

To make another can come as a surprise or a promise. The concept on which creating life is simple enough to understand but never respected enough to cherish the act itself. Way too many of us are single parenting; that is shows our lack of responsibility for those we chose to create in our wake. Those little creations are given false hope, false securities, and false sense if responsibility. Only one is expected to carry such a task as rearing a new creation of themselves. It is difficult to be a responsible parent with two holding the rings much less one. Stronger are those who welcome the challenge with their own creators in the ring to give guidance and support. Stronger still are those who know the task at hand and look for other more complex options for their little creation, one with their moral values at hand and a good book in the other. What is said of those whose surprise was not wished for because they also did not respect the connection that was given at times others would say was, "well spent."  Each connection we choose to make is needing of the respect it should not have to ask for. Nor should the little creation ask for the respect once it is born. These are given at the time of indulgence and transformation at the time of the connection. Each connection has a feeling of need, want  and desire, Why not Cherish? If you cannot Cherish that space in time that you chose to connect, that time which you needed to feel, love, and want to become intimate; then why? Why not walk away? Why not find another responsible connection to insure your not creating, not abandoning, not harming another human creator.

So many faces I see, walking a path alone hoping they are being responsible enough. Why? Why not make sure you are cherished before connections are made, feelings are in place, and responsibilities are met? Have we as the creators lost our own dignity? Our own respect within human minds? Maybe this line of thinking is too complex for humanity. Maybe we should all stop.

Do humans realize what the end product is? Look around inside your towns and see the ones left behind. The homeless traumatized children who walk among the shadows, those that society has cast aside as drug addicts.  Look at them, walk alongside them, as I have listening to grievances and dashed dreams, for what? Because the idea of becoming a parent is a lot different then parenting itself.

Children that having just graduated decided to have a child, or worse yet the young have chosen to become pregnant like their mothers before them and those before them, creating a cycle that never stops. Keeps producing the problem society meets today with reluctant arms, through Job & Family Services. Then they want to feel entitled in life, reaching for the promises ignorant parents that have chosen to stop parenting gave them in a time of weakness. Really?

By fixing the problem, we as a society have to acknowledge that there is a problem. I would think looking at our youth, homeless, and the stillness of the towne.

Becoming Older Mom

Becoming a mother to three wonderful children is hard especially when they are off living their own lives. What to do with our new spare time?

The best gifts are the ones not asked for, not mentioned, or purchased for ourselves. Children in most cases are just that. Those little surprises while you are champion threw morning sickness. Or the time when you realize you are not ill from an illness but missed a few periods due to careless drinking and random parties. No planning took place in my life. The blessings are all natural and worth spending half my life managing, plays, concerts, auditions, applications, photo misses and holiday treats. It is not how fast they grow but how they grow. Long nights of cooking for classroom parties or planning those next birthday gifts months ahead knowing you don't make that kind of money to get all those wishful presents, even several essays over science or math homework. All of this time spent, are memories each mother, creator, has logged in the farthest points of recall; none of which are easily given up nor exchanged.

Mothers are crafty at overlooking Holidays that contain gifts for them; Mother's Day, Yule, etc... We know that no such gift will come either due to lack of finances or knowledge. Forgetting is the easiest things our little angels can do; innocently most likely as children. We don't emphasize the importance of those gifts because we are MOM.  We endure the hardships making them fun; like playing hide and seek when the electric bill was not paid or Jack and Jill with buckets of water when the well went out. Camping on days we find ourselves homeless during the summer months. The countless fails as adults as parents we have are not planned, but the memories of the good times that formed out of the hardships of our life are more than any mother can wish for in any gift given.

Now while my teenagers come of age and run after their own lives full of endless moments of choices good or bad; but we, as mothers, stand by the sidelines awaiting that fail or glory. Awaiting that crash or success that will have us running to their sides with arms open and ready to take on any wolf at their door or award that they are honored for.

Are we truly that lost in our own lives? Does our world really revolve around those little creations we call our cherished ones? Probably. Maybe. Mine absolutely, that is way I needed a reminder that I am just as important: in comes Husband #2, young love of my life that makes me think of us now first. Yes it is hard, very hard not to want to run after them catching all that gold or backslash that comes with living. The fact is we cannot live through them; we need to pick up where we left off and get our own life fulfilled.

I just recently started my bucket list, hitting it hard. This upcoming year will be spent on the west coast: Yellowstone, Montana, and finally Washington.

To fulfill our own lives is very important, we show our children how to finish a lifetime of loving them. We see ourselves as the best parents by how our children have accomplished themselves now we need to be our best selves. Live our best lives and finish well into our 90's.
Hoping to become the greatest grandmother, once they start shouting out my grandchildren, they have ever seen. Happy to see me pulling up into the driveway, once a year and video chats when they feel like it. I love my kids and I know they do not need an old lady humming around after them telling them how to become parents. I am sure they can do that on their own, more grandparents need to take that advice!

I refuse to be the "in  law" that my daughter in laws wish would disappear into the holiday scenery. They will respect my distance while I respect their space. I raised wonderful children now I have faith that they have chosen their better halves:) I have faith in them so they have faith in themselves. FEWY
  
I wish not to become the burden in my later years, I strive to become the leader for those who wish the same in theirs. Live, Love, explore and be free.

Ohio Schools: A noticeable change in time

We talk about cause and effect in school systems as if the system itself has no concept of the idea. They are above the idea that anything they cause will carry out such an effect that anyone would notice nor hold them accountable. This blog is based on interviews from many stand points in time with different people of many age groups, who lived and went to school in the state of Ohio.


1970's "High school was a waist of my time, I found it more valuable to quit school and get started on my career. I left school in 10th grade and started working as a EKG Specialist in a nearby Hospital. I received hands on training that made my life more exciting. The need to receive a Diploma was not really there back then. It felt like High School was just not going anywhere, learning nothing really and for me that was a waste of my time. As waste of any bodies time when you are as eager to learn a career field as I was. Others like me just dropped out and started successful careers. We had never heard of detentions, when kids were bad they got kicked out or they quit. Everyone that I knew got jobs and just left. Yes, we had knives and farm boys had guns in trucks setting in the parking lot. No we didn't have 'Tide Challenges', we had creek jumpin' and night swimming."

1980's "My Middle School was very fun, we had bullies but they didn't really matter among a group of friends. I remember watching bad choices being corrected by the teacher taking the offender out in the hall and spanking them. Afterwards, the rest of us would be wide awake ready to answer any question the teacher had to ask. I think now looking back, we as a group of kids learned respect not just for the teacher but for ourselves. When we acted out we were immediately corrected, we learned consequences for our actions back then and how to listen to others during their turn. Our drills were more towards bombs and earthquakes then terrorist. We did not have any work that needed completed at home nor did anyone know about detention. After school I would help mom with dinner and chores around the house; weekends were for friends."

1990's "High school was serious work, so many choices to choose as far as class' at times it could be overwhelming.  Never once thought about killing my classmates, my parents at times sure, joking. By the time, I got to high school, spanking was illegal; leaving most of us unknown to that fact. Suspension and detentions were given for those who needed corrected, fighting or bullying for example. We had study halls for missing assignments or home studies. I took typing class and finances. Weekends I had time to spend with friends or family as I had a full time job and my own apartment by my senior year. We also had to pass a test to graduate, but some decided to drop out instead making a life on their own. By the time I graduated I had my own apartment in Grove City, Ohio with my longtime friend. He never graduated but he had a good paying job and could support himself. I owned my own car and had a full time job in town that allowed me to support myself. Bullying went on but not much other than teacher or counselor intervention with a detention or suspension if it persisted. I remember two bomb threats at high school. Girls that got themselves in a pregnant way were sent away or home schooled if the family could afford an abortion then they did. Boys still had rifles in back windows of trucks during hunting season, they were even allowed vacation days during gun season."

2000's "Being schooled online was fun, I learned so much and had fun doing so. Started my Freshmen year in a traditional country school system was ok, but I soon found myself not needing the necessary limitations that forced my mother into online school systems. I was no longer a child that needed Special class', I was ahead of my classmates in all things. Online I needed 990 hrs to move to the next grade level, here less than that but more forced. Teachers are rough to match the students, no respect not even for parents nor government. The biggest worry about school is being suspended for as little as a disagreement with staff. We received detentions for missing assignments, or even late ones. It is a strange punishment for something so meaningless."

2015's "High School is mandated, the courts will intervene if a child is not in school. Detentions are given for missed assignments or homework not turned in on time or not at all. It is a match of wits everyday between teachers and students. We have to graduate, if we choose to receive our GED we have to be of age 18, if anyone is younger they need parents reason prove the benefit of such a request. Really? We learn nothing but the repetition of past years classes mostly; education needs to get with the times. High school has no meaning, it is best to seek education in a local college or better yet a career with hands on training."

My experience, I have three children, most are graduating or have already graduated. I pulled them out when my son lost interest with learning, middle school. I was told from the school staff, who felt the need to hold a conference when told about my decision,  "There is no curriculum that keeps them interested in learning, let alone combines class'. Maybe we need to look a the possibility it may be more of ADD or ADHD. Have you mentioned this to a physician?" Really? So I enrolled them into K-12 Public online system. I combined science, reading and math into one curriculum that kept my son's attention. I even find that now, more and more children are titled with ADD/ADHD before entering kindergarten. Why? Because the children care facility knows alot about these things correct? Years later, I re-enrolled them into a high school so they could continue with the social skills. They were ahead of their class, giving my first son the ability to sign himself OUT of IEP class. The principle called me at work and asked me how to do that, they have never had anything like that happen before. Imagine that "No" one has ever been signed off/out of their IEP. My other two went on to career academies, welding and criminal justice. My daughter graduates this year, my oldest is in the military and my middle son is employed.

Extra curricular activities and mandated useless classes are unnecessary in our day and technology age. Most of the things I learned in school they don't even teach anymore. Our school systems have gotten out of control with finding things to add that have no meaning but to keep funding hours 996 a school calendar year. Why? Children learn faster than ever before, they have more technology at their fingertips then my generation, no one helps out on the farm anymore so summer break is obsolete. With all these different points of view, we still have school that desperately needs a facelift. Coming together is one way to get the job done, the second would be taking back the control parents have lost in the past 20 years.   

You can make your own conclusion as to what really needs to change in our public school systems. Would love to hear from your experiences past and present.

Lady of the Lake

We all have our stories but none can be told as righteous as a beauty that the water holds.

The story of the lake begins with a girl of No Name and her brother, who live near a Lake. Not just any Lake, the lake of Mystery which was surrounded by beautiful hills and mountains. Willow trees graced it's bed with massive roots and long limbs that blew gently in the icy cold wind. You see, the lake of Mystery was very magical to the people, as it appeared overnight on the coldest night of the year. Those who lived around it, felt blessed by its presence.  Brought fresh drinking water in abundance supply two crops, livestock and its people.

No-Name was much older than her brother by 5 years. No-Name adored her little brother, she watched over him like a big sister should. Ever so mischievous little brother would be, always climbing or stumbling in two places unexpected.

Just a curious fellow by Nature, No-Name would have to watch over him while Mama and Papa cared for cattle and the fields. Most days are spent on the farm, in the house or at the barn playing tirelessly.

At night, Grams would tell them stories about the Ice Queen, who graces the snow capped mountains, some stories about unicorns with silk hair running through rivers giving chase to dragonflies, and other stories about Mystics, who with only a touch can calm the woodland folk into disarming the forest for mankind.

Little brother would be inspired by the unicorn stories Grams told, leaving him looking out the window at the cattle in question. Then, on schedule the next morning, no name would be chasing her little brother off the fences all day; as he desperately tried to ride one. Leaving No-Name with more than her fair share of Battle Scars.

No-Name didn't really care much about the stories: flopped over the bench, feet swaying, hand tucked under her chin. Once when she was little, they might have mattered but overtime, her interest had changed. As older sisters take on responsibilities, childish things turn into realities and the mysteries of the world unfold. The nearby lake still had its mysteries, but she never questioned its danger. Mother never let No-Name forget the boundaries of the farm nor the fields.

The nights when little brother was fast asleep in his bed, No Name would visit Gram's cottage in the forest. Grams would tell gathered on lookers tales of the lake and all its mysteries. Folks would come at night to Grams for medicines, fortune telling and charmed trinkets to ward off evil intentions for a simple fee. No-Name would get a small reward for helping Grams out and learning the older ways long forgotten by her mother. Once home again, No-name would place her reward inside the stitching of her blanket. By now each corner had a good weight, mother would always washing and fixing the stitches but No Name would hide the blanket on wash day for good reason. No-Name was saving for the day she would journey with her family to Mystic Lake where she would choose her name. Choosing a name was forbidden until you reached 16, the age of forgetfulness. From there she would be able to journey to towns or villages with her father to trade.   

Little brother and No Name had played hard all day long in the barn that they fell asleep in the warm hay. Papa found them thinking nothing of it he tuck them in for the night within the safety of the barn. It was not unusual for some morning to wake up in the cold brisk Barn, as Papa would be with the cattle across the field protecting them from the wolves. Papa lit the fireplace and started his journey out to the field dawn wouldn't be for another 4 hours. Was not long after, little brother awoke rejuvenated from his cat nap; not realizing he was tucked in for the night. He rose then started towards the door to see what the snow filled night had in store for him.

Lites danced along the lining of the field in magical melody heading in an unfamiliar direction; little brother's foot prints could be seen as he stumbled across the snow filled field into the woods. Destiny's hand has come to claim it's fate, soon No-Name's fate will be placed.

No-Name woke up at first light as it set over the mountains with the cold brisk air filling the barn. Stretching and standing she looked around yawning. Not seeing anyone about she started towards the house, never minding her coat lying in the hay nor her boot tracks in the fresh snow.

The cold has never brought her fear as it was a home that she has known all her life. No coat needed, nor shoes really; the ice never took effect to her body as she was made for the ice cold winter land. Papa wouldn't fuss over coats nor shoes where she was concerned as he knew his daughter had a gift that would have to take its place in this life. This made him sad sometimes but mama would have her bottom if she missed a coat or boots. Never understanding the give of one parent and the need for the other parent. A secret that was tightly sealed upon her birth, a secret that will come to pass soon.

No-Name entered the house finding mama at the stove. With little brother not in sight, she proceeded to take her boots off at the door. Ready to go back into bed herself, she climb the staircase that led to their room. Her little head popped just above the foot boards and she realized little brother wasn't there. In fact, little brother was nowhere!

Sliding down the ladder, No-Name ran past mama in the kitchen; and out the door. No name sled into the barn to find two blankets laying in the hay next to a pile of coats. She stomped passed the coats barefoot to the opening at the other end of the barn. Standing frightened looking out into the snowy field No-Name spotted smaller prints in the snow heading to the woods with her papa in the field she ran towards the tracks in the snow.

From a distance papa saw No-Name running towards the woods; with alarm papa began scanning towards the house backtracking the steps: only one where there should have been two? As he rose to see where No-Name went he realized mama coming out into the snow with her coat and No-Names Boots in hand.

No-Name had in hopes that little brother was hiding from his older sister. No-Name started in the woods calling out his name, while papa disappeared into the house and mama was not too far behind.

As No-Name ran along the path in the woods leading to the lake she could hear mama & papa not far behind calling out for little brother. Both gaining momentum as time was slipping away, making them all desperate to find little brother. No-Name entered a clearing that parted to the Lake. By this time, No-Name was exhausted not noticing her hands and feet had turned blue from the cold winters kiss. The blue gray skin was climbing her legs and by the time she got to the lake No-Name was covered in little blue crystals. Looking down into the ice covered edge of the lake, No-Name realized her new strange color. No-Name noticed her hands while her eyes combed the Lake for any sign of her little brother. Frantic she started rubbing her hands together. Not noticing the cold, No-Name became panicked as a dark figure in the water floated in the center of the lake, broken was the ice around the center. No-Name began to run towards the dark mass thinking the worst when she realized she was no longer on stable ice, thin and cracking under the weight of her feet. Pausing above the dark figure under the thin ice, No-Name fell to her knees pounding her fists into the ice frozen shell. crack crack

Papa's voice rang out from the edge of the woods as the ice broke under No-Name's feet.

Ice, water and the dark figure rose up around No-Name like an offering as she sank into the lake. Wishing to have one moment of clarity, one last goodbye before falling trying to account for each hug, kiss and loving word exchanged. Heavy the limbs she had been carrying for years; the burdens of others had taken their toll. Now as she sank into a place of being, her heart froze over. Grabbing for her last memory, sliding past the unconscious body of her brother as his eyes opened with confusion time stood still.

Like a bad dream his face was ever so fearful looking for one last affirmation. With an ever so small smile No-Name gave him the love she felt for him and that reassurance that everything would be okey. Just like that he was gone, Little Brother was pulled up with a mighty force of will. Papa handed him off to mama as he began searching for No-Name endlessly reaching deeper and deeper into the darkness that claimed her. Soaking wet and freezing mama cradled Little Brother inside No-Names coat rocking him back and forth as papa kept searching. Grams stood quietly at the lakes edge weeping secretly knowing her granddaughter was no more. 

No-Name's own eyes now closed in relief with realization that she was saved for all this time: The work at Gram's, the nightly bedtime stories, everything came into place. The lake of Mystery that appeared the night No Name was born, everything lead to this moment. The realization that she alone knew from the day she was conceived, the knowledge of the lake.

Within her conscious, she heard a voice, one that was ever so familiar to her. She was not afraid or worried. The voice spoke of a time of knowing, a time before she was born. Ever so Soft the voice spoke of a couple who asked of a gift, a git of great value to the lady of the lake. The lady of the lake created them a special gift, one that would need to be cared for, cherished and adored. However, that gift would be returned if mistreated and claimed back into the lake.

Now returned, The Lady of the Lake called No-Name by her name, Nemoway.


Gypsy

Divorce: After 13 years of Marriage, New beginnings.

By S. Blackburn

Divorced?  Needing a step by step plan that works? Are you tired of the circle game; the idea that they will come back, or maybe they will miss me? Clear that crap out of your head because that is not the case. Ya sure they might miss that pancake on Saturday Mornings or the way you laid their clothes out but please to think for one minute they are going to regret leaving you is absurd. The line was drawn in the sand and you have now crossed over it; divorce papers are signed and finalized. Get your head out of the sand and start seeing the bigger picture, yourself!

That is correct, it is your time to bloom and don't let that doubt in your head tell you otherwise. You have another chance at getting this life into something more than passay. Get your notebook, ipad or smartphone out let us explore that bucket list! You heard me correct, it is
now time to get you advancing on your future in this life, not the next time around. Get up get out there and experience what you were meant to experience. Start looking to the journeys ahead and leave the past where it lays.

Your list is a to do list, starting now! Don't waste another minute thinking about things that cannot be changed, get out there and change yourself. Experience the wild, crazy ideas you had before marriage settled you down. Find the you that has been masked into an "us" and get living "you" again. Don't tell me there is no "you"; because that is crap! It was "you" that attracted the "us" in the beginning so put yourself back together either it be yoga, dance, singing, instrumental or something else that inspires you to make a one time appearance every once in a blue moon and get on with it. Live for NOW; Not LATER!

We are not getting any younger, hate to bust your bubble, time is of the essence. Retire or take a sabbatical, either way get on with it before time has caught up to you and your kids have placed you in a group home or worse; they take your license leaving you stranded somewhere you never meant to be in the first place. Take a chance on you for a change, the best investment you can ever not efford to make!